Top 5 Weird Ass Bible Verses To Quote To Your Friends And Lovers!

6 12 2006

Ok so I found the link “Top Ten Wierdest Bible Versus Ever” and just picked the good ones.  I cut it down to five.

Deuteronomy 23:1 ESV
No one whose testicles are crushed or whose male organ is cut off shall enter the assembly of the Lord.

Genesis 38:8-10 NASB
Then Judah said to Onan, “Go in to your brother’s wife, and perform your duty as a brother-in-law to her, and raise up offspring for your brother.” Onan knew that the offspring would not be his; so when he went in to his brother’s wife, he wasted his seed on the ground in order not to give offspring to his brother. But what he did was displeasing in the sight of the LORD; so He took his life also.

1 Samuel 18:25-27 ESV
Then Saul said, “Thus shall you say to David, ‘The king desires no bride-price except a hundred foreskins of the Philistines, that he may be avenged of the king’s enemies.’” Now Saul thought to make David fall by the hand of the Philistines. And when his servants told David these words, it pleased David well to be the king’s son-in-law. Before the time had expired, David arose and went, along with his men, and killed two hundred of the Philistines. And David brought their foreskins, which were given in full number to the king, that he might become the king’s son-in-law. And Saul gave him his daughter Michal for a wife.

Exodus 4:24-25 NASB
Now it came about at the lodging place on the way that the LORD met him and sought to put him to death. Then Zipporah took a flint and cut off her son’s foreskin and threw it at Moses’ feet, and she said, “You are indeed a bridegroom of blood to me.”

Deuteronomy 25:11-12 NASB
If two men, a man and his countryman, are struggling together, and the wife of one comes near to deliver her husband from the hand of the one who is striking him, and puts out her hand and seizes his genitals, then you shall cut off her hand; you shall not show pity.

Really the first one is the best.  Too bad none are from the New Testament, then you could really slam a righty with em!!

And that’s pretty much the weirdest shit in the bible…yup.

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Ok so this last one is weird but not really weird enough for me.  Its just sort of porno-esque.

Ezekiel 23:19-20 NET
Yet she increased her prostitution, remembering the days of her youth when she engaged in prostitution in the land of Egypt. She lusted after their genitals – as large as those of donkeys, and their seminal emission was as strong as that of stallions.

Sounds like she’s bragging if you ask me.


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21 responses

6 12 2006
abhijeet

plz tell me how to hack a password of d yahoo.co.in email user.. plz help.. i m really facing a big problem.. i am fed up.. plz help me… plz……

6 12 2006
therealdonquixote

I think you have the wrong post bub.

Anyways, what you’re asking is not a simple task. It is also illegal.

I make it a policy of not just handing out hacks to anyone with their hands out. I simply offer the information in this blog to help people learn on their own.

Sorry, what you see is what you get.

26 11 2008
alt

you missed Leviticus 11:9-12

http://www.godhatesshrimp.com/

15 12 2009
Marcus

I think the weirdest would be Judges 5:27 New American Standard
“Between her feet he bowed, he fell, he lay; Between her feet he bowed, he fell; Where he bowed, there he fell dead.”

24 06 2010
david

oooh shit the boy died eatin pussy lmfao

3 01 2010
Weirdest bible passages - Religion and Philosophy - Christianity, Judaism, Islam, Hinduism, Buddhism, Atheism, God, Universe, Science, Spirituality, Faith, Evidence - City-Data Forum

[…] But what he did was displeasing in the sight of the LORD; so He took his life also. from Top 5 Weird Ass Bible Verses JG 19:22-29 A group of sexual depraved men beat on the door of an old man's house demanding […]

6 04 2010
randi

what a way to start off your week.

speak about cut off genitals on a sunday.

27 06 2010
sigrid finne

if jesus realy is a man. i am a cock looking for ass to eat. can i eat your assholes you cristian asslicking fagfucking shedevils. i will kill and eat youre children so you can die in your pitty for assraping jesusfanatic fuck fuckers. shitasspoh
jesus is like bob. just better wrigthen..
life raperes

27 06 2010
sigrid finne

fuck im ass

17 07 2010
Crazy White Guy

Uh… Yea…

13 08 2010
john

Very funny to read.

Some comments are…quite childish. I think people find it difficult to understand that there is a difference between what the Bible RECORDS and what it ENDORSES.

Also, scriptures are NOT afraid to show the failing or poor decisions of its heroes. Like all men, they did not always make the best decisions – much like whoever is reading this – but God loved them anyway, like He loves you, and was not ashamed to identify and work with them.

Cheers…

14 02 2011
Kitty

Amen…..Its not about the religion its about the relationship we have in Jesus Christ who died for us. John 3:16 for God so loved the world that He gave his only begotten son, for whoever believes in Him shall not perish but have everlasting life. I’ve seen so many miracles to not believe in His wonderful name 1miracle my brother had died, and he saw Jesus Christ who gave him a second chance to live…. and that’s the reason why I love Him soooooo much. And that is one of many more miracles that the Lord has done for us. Yes there are a lot of Christians out there who do not represent Jesus Christ but there are some out there that do, that’s why I say It depends on your relationship with Him. God bless and take care

1 05 2011
Randy

What you smoking girl?

17 09 2012
Masowai

Isn’t the Islamic God the same as the Christian God? Why he grant those Islamic terrorists 72 virgins for crashing planes into the WTC? Whose side is God on anyway?

7 09 2010
Bobhob

“Some comments are…quite childish.”… And believing in a god is not childish? Whichever way you choose to think, there can never be any god. Gods simply do not exist. Even the christian church hangs desperately onto FAITH. For FAITH does not require reality, only illusion, only belief without the requirement of evidence. Faith, Hope and Charity. Faith requires no evidence, neither does Hope. Charity, well. The Christian church has been a bit short of that throughout its entire history. Charity – burning old women who owned cats. Destroying civilisations who held other beliefs – achieving in South America what Hitler only dreamed of achieving in Europe. Burning those who held differing views – burning – a most painful; way to suffer. Hanging, shooting, beheading – all quicker, but no, the lovely christian church wanted pain and suffering – and to be felt – hardly Charity. Christianity has a history of cruelty that far surpasses anything that the nazis did. In greater quantity and with less compassion. Die all you christian scumbags, and you will not reach heaven until you acknowledge your cruelty. Shame on you. I have never hurt anyone, and nor would I wish pain on anyone, but then, I am not a christian. You are now thinking of how you can find me and make me burn. Jesus would just love you – I don’t think. Scum. Scum, evil, evil shite you are.

4 09 2011
Luke

You do realize this is meant to be a humorous post not meant to be pugnacious in the least, right? But since you’ve brought it there, I feel the need to share my thoughts, and inform you of some things.
I have a question for you. If believing in a god is childish, would not it also be childish to believe in a heaven (like the one you say Christian scumbags will not get into without acknowledgment of their cruelty)? If there can never be a god, there can never be a heaven either, correct? Because believing in both require faith, not physical proof.
To move on, what do faith, hope, and charity have to do with weird ass Bible quotes? I believe you simply felt like sharing your opinions (to which you undoubtedly have a right, as well as a right to share), as I do now.
Your definition of faith is a tad warped, colored by your opinions, as I’m sure mine is, so forgive me for using a dictionary definition: faith: belief not based on proof. (The second part of your definition is quite similar to this.) So, despite what you say, faith does not require illusion, as that would be proof, in a way – false proof, yes, but proof nonetheless – and faith does not require any proof.
Now, you dismiss faith and hope simply because they do not require evidence. I’m not sure why. Is it because you believe that nothing is real that cannot be proven? “Seeing is believing,” as it were? Faith and hope, to me, are undeniably real, as can be seen by the many who desperately hang onto them, like the people who have nothing left but hope and faith, are facing formidable odds, or give up possessions in exchange for them. Faith and hope exist, to put it simply, because people believe in them. It is the nature of such things.
As for your view on the charity of the Christian church, I make no attempt to defend or deny the atrocities committed by the people running the church. Whether or not they were worse than the Nazis is disputable, but my point is this: the “Christian church” is composed only of humans, who are fallible, mistake-prone, and imperfect. My problem though, with your opinion, is that you seem to attribute to all Christians the characteristics of its previous ecclesiastic powers. Not only do things and people change over time, but also the individuals do not always share the beliefs of the governing power. I implore you not to judge the people, the laymen, by the bureaucratic clergymen. While the “lovely Christian church (or, the clergymen of the historical Christian church) wanted pain and suffering,” I guarantee you most of today’s Christians do not share the desire. You call Christians scum, evil, yet you offer no explanation as to why (unless you count your historical evidence which, as I have expressed, is not true of the Christians of today). Who do you think is wanting to make you burn? Because I promise you, any true Christian wishes for no such thing. Nor would they wish you dead, as you do them. You think Jesus wouldn’t love them, but the great thing about Christianity (according to faith, that is) is that Jesus loves everyone. He is disappointed in our decisions sometimes, but he never stops loving you, me, and all people. I’m sure he was disappointed with some actions of the Christian church, as he was with many others. Because what the church has done throughout history is no better or worse than man has done countless of other times. The Romans to the Carthaginians; the Vietnamese to the Cham people, the Spanish to the Arawaks, the Aztecs, and the Incas; the English to the Powhatans and the Pequots; the Ottomans to the Christians; the Bolsheviks to the Don Cossaks; the Soviets to their own people; the Nazis to the Jews, the Slavs, the homosexuals, the mentally handicapped, and physically disfigured; and the Hutus to the Tutsis, to name a few. It saddens me to have so many readily available examples of human cruelty, brother against brother. But then again, isn’t that why we need faith, and hope? To believe in a better tomorrow? To believe that deep down, the human tendency is toward love, and goodness? Without faith and hope, it’s a pretty bleak world, my friend.

24 10 2010
Beatnick

So in rebuttal to what bob said on faith. I’d like to point out that every human being has reliance on faith. When you go to sleep at night, you have faith that if someone tries to break in you can call 911 and they will respond in time. When you eat food at a restaurant, you have faith that it won’t make you sick. Everyday people rely on there “illusions” to make decisions that affect all of humanity. As far as there being a god go’s. No one can say for sure. Unless you have died recently could you tell me what happens after? One of the atheist points is I’ll believe it when I see it. Well that’s fine and dandy, but some people do irrational things on faith and it turns out for the better. Do you think the american revolution was set in stone? The best way to look at religion is as a mystery. If you believe in God, then keep on believing. If you don’t, then don’t bother with thinking about it so much. Atheists study religion more then most christians I find. It’s lifes ironic situations that make everyday things fun.

7 11 2013
BigSoph

There is a difference between faith in systems that exist in the real world (try it, call a police station. See if you get an answer. Record the answer. Now ask God why it is we have an appendix. No answer? Saw THAT coming)
Faith in one’s friends is a build of trust. They exist, they have been there before, we help them – ergo, they are likely to be there to help us move next month
God? Not so much

11 01 2011
wpolscemamymocneseo

Very efficiently written article. It will be useful to anyone who employess it, as well as me. Keep up the good work – can’r wait to read more posts.

20 10 2011
Dave

You do realize how arrogant you are to say that there is no God right? That would mean that you would have to have seen it all and have an understanding on everything there is to know.

27 11 2011
Avery Lee

So this is something I’ve wondered since I was a kid…If all Life had to be created by a superior being and all Life had to start from someone, and god is a Life, who is god’s Creator? And the Creator of god’s Creator and so on….

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