Whale ‘Vomit’ Sparks Cash Bonanza

31 08 2006

BBC NEWS | Asia-Pacific | Whale ‘vomit’ sparks cash bonanza

An Australian couple who picked up an odd-looking fatty lump from a quiet beach are in line for a cash windfall.Leon Wright and his wife took home a 14.75kg lump of ambergris, found in the innards of sperm whales and used in perfumes after it has been vomited up.

Sought after because of its rarity, ambergris can float on the ocean for years before washing ashore.

Worth up to $20 a gram, Mr Wright’s find on a South Australian beach could net his family US$295,000 (£165,300).

Path to financial success.

A. Find Whale

B. Induce Vomiting with…Bill O’Reilly screenings or castor oil or whatever.
C. Sell all the amabergris that you can squeez out of this whale.

D. Go buy the an island

E. Never wear perfume again.



One response

31 08 2006

These lucky bastards! I forgot all about this nifty, expensive and useful substance.

From original BBC article:

Sad that it’s banned here. 😦 That won’t stop me in my quest though I hope. 😉 I think a “screening” of Bill O’Reilly is bound to induce vomiting in nearly all intelligent species and should be a benchmark laboratory test for universal IQ (mammalian or otherwise), this is a thought. =p I will go a step further perhaps if I had the investment seed money as it would be likely worth it but bare with me.

Option 1:
One could rent a helicopter with a 100″ LCD hanging wired to a bank of batteries and waterproofed with a clear zip over cover or acrylic/lexan case sealed with caulk and a wireless satellite receiver in the copter. Then turn on Fox-News Channel and force whale to watch until vomiting is induced, well that shouldn’t take all that long and of course time it for Bill’s show to come on or use TiVO maybe. =)
Okay so getting the whale to stay still and near the water’s surface is the hard part of the plan but I leave it to the reader’s sick imaginations to figure this out as there could be so many possible methods.

Option 2:

Go into international waters and hunt yourself a goddamn whale and watch your back for PETA and stay far far away from coast guard and any nation where whale hunting is illegal. Rent a big boat with a big net and obvious needed equipment…umm a whaler?
After getting whale scoop out bile with necessary tools (ex: melon baller, spackle knife, and ice-cream scoop) bring home or send home whale phlegm after selling off the rest of whale in that ‘other’ country. Fill a large kiddie pool with clean water or ocean water and add many pounds of sea salt to mimic the ocean medium and mix throughly. Don’t forget to get the PH right too. 😉 And now make whale vomit patties and toss them into the pool and stir water around once in a while. Oh and so as not to forget make sure you sir occasionally and clump the vomit together good, if it isn’t already, and make sure the pool is in the sun. Now simply wait about 10 years give or take and you are rich! Now rinse and repeat.

Okay that was sick just kidding. Even I wouldn’t submit a whale to the torture that is Bill O’Reilly. 😉 What? You thought I would say I was kidding about Option 2 didn’t you.

Alright I won’t hurt the damn whales are you happy now! =P

– Azag

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